You all know I am a hit-or-miss blogger by now. I really do love it and it helps me dump my brain when I get too caught up in the local political and social insanity that we all have going on around us all the time. When I get fired up about things, this is my detox tank. Maybe the reason I haven’t had much to say is because I have been avoiding Facebook more lately to keep my sanity in the midst of this ridiculous process we undertake ever four years. I will be
thrilled, terrified, moving to another country in November… Anyway, I like it here and lately I feel like I haven’t had a lot to say that is Earth shattering. What can I say; I love Stitch Fix, muffins, and light hearted things lately. Some of you dig reading it: my local friends, maybe not so much. Its okay, you don’t have to. I’m still going to write it (tomorrow probably). Until then and between times, I will post whatever is on my mind and try to keep the place semi-current.
For today, I am going to try to muster up a little inspiration to write more often again, and tell you what else I’ve been trying out in my life to get myself inspired in cyberspace and around my little corner of the world. Its a confessional of sorts and you can only comment if you promise not to be judgy or think I’m crazy; even if I am.
Here’s the way it is… I’ve read and pinned a lot about this “turning 40” rebirth and how you learn to breathe and let go. Last year at this time, I would have told you that is a bunch of crap. I would have laughed and stressed and fought back against the calendar. Then BAM, November happened with the big 4-0 attached and suddenly, I can breathe. Maybe it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was likely a self-fulfilling prophecy, but who cares! Yes, I feel older. I also feel more relaxed, more creative, and more like myself than I think I ever have in my entire life. I have learned how to walk away with a smile, how to make my own decisions without fretting over who I am going to upset, and how to stretch the list of what I can and can’t do just a little further. Its fun!
I know, a lot of you think I’ve lost it and maybe I have. (I’m asking you please to not help me find it.) Here’s a quick list of things I’m loving about my life right now. Believe me or don’t, its all good.
- I can paint. Not just rooms, which I’m known to do
every once in awhilequarterly. I’m learning to paint watercolor whatevers. I use YouTube tutorials and pretend to be Money in my kitchen. No, I don’t take a class but I would. No, I’m not great and I’ve only done it for a week but I love it! I can also crochet something that is awful but it counts for me. Its a pseudo-craft ability! I’ll take it.
- I can sometimes speak my mind before reaching the point of wanting to throat punch people. This takes every ounce of courage I have an I’m getting better at it.
- I have figured out that, while terrifying and occasionally heart wrenching, parenting teenagers is MUCH more fun than parenting toddlers. Its messy and busy and full of mind-reading. I love every second of it. I love my little ones and I’m not in any rush for them to grow up, but when they do, we’re going to have some amazing good times.
- After much comparison and deliberation, I know that my marriage doesn’t look like your’s or his or hers and I don’t care. That might have scared me in the past. I’m cool with it now. We’re weirdos, but we are weirdos together… in the sense that we make it work, know how to fight and what makes us stick. You don’t have to understand as long as we do.
- God likes me better than I like him. I don’t know how to properly explain this in a bullet point but its true. We are working through things and we fist bump every day. The rest is a complicated process. I’ve read that this makes me special but I doubt that. I think it makes me human.
- I do not organize events, lessons, practices, or the art cabinet. I don’t even really try anymore because as much as a part of me craves this organization, the stress of putting it together and maintaining it is agonizing. I’m sorry Mom, but the wrong half of my brain is in charge. (I mean really, look at my hair!) I’ll keep things picked up and cleanish but mostly its a mess in disguise but its how I work the best. As for the events, its not happening. Ever.
- Not everyone is going to like me. Its cool. I don’t love it and I’m certain that even those who say they don’t care actually do, but I’m pretty okay with it now. I’m not easy to like sometimes, so I understand. I’m passionate and know what vibes with me and what doesn’t; if we don’t vibe, I can walk away now. Negativity in my life is no longer an option and this fact alone is the most liberating thing I have EVER learned!
- I can call myself out. I know I’m full of it sometimes. Bullshit happens. Its a matter of knowing when its your bullshit or the shit from the bull next to you. Its a difficult thing to acknowledge that you’re the one stinking up the place, and even more difficult to know you’re not sometimes. Guilt is wicked and likes to perch on my shoulder. I’ve learning to flick that wicked little whisper off and check myself first. Sometimes I’m guilty and sometimes I’m not but when I am, I’m owning it.
- No. No, no and no again. I learned how to say no. This is huge and if you look at the amount of running around I do on a daily basis, you would think I say yes to everything. I really don’t. There is just a lot that I want to do and a lot that I used to say “yes” to that I never wanted to do. Can I get an AMEN?! Learn this. People want people working with them who have the time and passion for the opportunity in front of them, not just a body to fill a chair. If you’re just saying yes because someone else thinks its a great thing for you and your gut is telling you to run, RUN! Also, do not confuse that feeling of running with fear. Fear is good sometimes.
Fear, crafts, and weird self-realization aside, I do have a lot more to say but need to stop and get my head together before I write out how I feel about the world around me. Maybe I’m keeping it fluffy and light because its easier than sorting through the mountain of issues on both sides of the debates. You’re stuck with fashion, muffins and Megan for the next little bit.